I just want to get up in the middle of the night and spend some time alone with someone. We could go have a midnight snack at McDonald’s or just walk around and talk about things we normally wouldn’t. Or maybe we could go enjoy ourselves at a park and play on the swings, or we could climb a roof and just watch the stars in silence - nothing but just good vibes and good company.
Getting that "I've been treated like a child my entire life" feeling again.
I’ve been babied my entire life.
no wonder I’ve never had a broken bone in my body or gotten in trouble with authorities my entire life. worst injury I’ve ever gotten was a case of road rash after one flip over my old bike’s handlebars. never was allowed to touch that bike afterward, an’ we ended up selling it a few months later.
hell, I’ve been so much of a pussy my entire life I think I might as well be gay and take everything up my ass.
when I get the chance I’m gonna do something stupid that I won’t regret.
like sneak out of the house or something. yeah, rebellious behavior.
can I please at least have a say in something I do in my life…
there’s so much I’ve left up to the control of others that I’m practically being led around by the hand to do things.
can I please be allowed to make an adult decision myself? like choosing to keep my current car and fix it because ish an experience I want to have in my life, or being allowed to go out when I feel flustered at 2 in the damn morning and need the damn walk ‘coz looking at the stars actually fucking calms me down? Yesh, even shit like that calms me down.
my car an’ nights out are actually something I really miss. when I used to finish class late at night last semester, I’d park my car in the back parking lot of Kukui Grove, away from any people whatsoever, then recline the seat an’ look out the sunroof at the stars. an’ whenever I thought of tracitokidoki, I imagined her sitting in the passenger seat, with the back reclined, an’ we’d fuss over who got to play with my aux cable for mood music. then we’d laugh it off an’ cuddle or something till we finally felt ready to go home. sometimes I’d stay out till 10:30 PM ‘coz I liked the stars so much. but then the naggy calls would come an’ then I’d have to go home.
I wanna live my own life. or at the very, very least, be allowed to make more of my own decisions. I wanna make friends. I wanna play with toys I’ve never gotten to play with. I wanna make mistakes worth learning from.